Home.

It’s where the heart is, right? Well what about when your heart is in two places? I’ve been in Gainesville for almost 2 weeks now and I feel so at home. But what about the home I grew up in, in Texas? The home where I had my first heartbreak. The home where I celebrated many big victories. The home where my wonderful parents are. But I also have a home in Georgia. The home where I continue to celebrate new victories. The home where my brothers and sisters in Christ are. The home I have new memories in. Nobody prepares you for the moment you leave home. In my case, I left home last Saturday, September 11. I said goodbye to my friends and family. But today I leave my home in Georgia too, not for long, but I’m still leaving. I thought I would be okay. I’m going to see my parents again. I get to celebrate the life of a loved one, but unfortunately it means having to leave the place I now call home as well. 

I was feeling great this morning when I woke up. I was excited to head home and see my family, sleep in my bed and much more. As I got through security I started to have a freak out moment. What am I doing? Why am I leaving? Where am I going? Then I boarded my flight. The panic set in. I’m not prepared for the real world. I don’t know why I just packed up my bag and left for the place I once spent every waking moment for 20 years. I’m scared. I’m not prepared to see the people I said goodbye to, because now it will be harder. I didn’t prepare for the emotions that would set in. I have my parents back in Texas, but I’m now without some of my closest friends. 

I’m sitting on a plane filled with turbulence. I’m sitting on a plane filled with happy screaming babies. A plane where the people surrounding me seem to be filled with so much life. A plane where I feel emotionally unstable. A plane where my anxiety is at its all time high. I was so excited for this trip. Though the circumstances given which I’m flying home are so sucky, I can’t wait to squeeze my loved ones and grieve with them. What about the loved ones back in Georgia who held me while I sobbed? The ones who would squeeze my hand just a little tighter when they heard a whimper come from my lips and watched the tears fall down my cheeks. The people who have physically held me up and prayed for me when I received the news? The family I’m surrounded by in Gaines are so unmatched by any on this earth. They may not be my number one supporters like my parents, but they sure are a close runner up. 

Home is where you feel love. For me, it means my home so happens to be in two different places. I have the immense love and support flowing from all around. I have people who will hold me while I break in both homes. I have people who will rejoice with me in both homes. I realize I don’t need to worry, whether I’m flying to Texas or flying to Georgia. Both places have my heart and so do the people in them.

Mom and dad, thank you guys for supporting me through all my decisions. Thank you for consoling me over the phone and just taking a deep breath even when I’ve snapped at y’all this week. You two mean the entire world to me and I wouldn’t be the young woman I am today without y’all.

Gap H, thank you for being my family. For whispering sweet prayers over me. Thank you for your constant love and support even in such trying times. Gap H, you are beautiful.

AhavaSelah, thank you. Thank you for holding me through my good and my bad and for loving me like there’s no tomorrow.